Living With Fetishes

General satin related chat. Talk about anything silk/satin related
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mattbh94
Posts: 214
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:35 pm

Living With Fetishes

Post by mattbh94 »

So.....

I live with my parents, and for many years, I've been coping with my fetish. I realised when I was quite young, and spent a lot of my formative years learning how to deal with my fetish.

I first, was given a coat by my mother, (not in a taboo way, but as a possible coping mechanism), but spent time utilising other people's clothing as well before masturbating at school, into my teacher's coat and getting found out about it. My school were quite lenient, understanding I needed to understand what was right and wrong. To combat that, I went to counselling (Which didn't go incredibly well) and my parents recommended buying satin, that I could keep at home.

I decided to do that, and soon I was going to charity shops buying coats and jackets that I could wank into.

This, however, started a downward spiral.

Whilst dealing with the gratification of having satin to masturbate into, I was also dealing with the lack of stimulation. Whilst I have a great imagination, as I got older, and my fetish became more defined and thus less defined as simply, satin but as the idea of ruining satin/expensive/desired-and-prized-by-it's-owner clothing and what that entails, I started to move away from how I was finding stimulation online.

First, I would search "ruined coat" or something of that sort, and blog posts about moths eating people's wool/cashmere coats, or non-erotic stories containing clothes ruining, or even just reviews of landrettes and dry-cleaners would arouse me.

However, I started to discover actual pornogrpahy.

Obviously, I first found the free sites. Those stimulated me for a good long while, but the best videos, the ones that weren't amature were the ones made professionally, and those were often short in length and often clips taken from longer videos.

Soon, I found myself yearning for the ability to pay for these more expensive clips. However, living at home, and not earning yet (being still at secondary school) I couldn't.

When I went to university, I finally had the opportunity to buy pornography.

Meanwhile, I'd been buying coats and jackets from charity shops, when I had the opportunity, and because I wasn't earning much, I was constantly running out of money. This was heightened when I started working, whilst at College (not university, but college)

When I went to university, I brought with me, two jackets, and the rest I had to get rid of, because my dad knew I had a reasonably large collection, but we both agreed that my mother wouldn't approve of me spending most of my money on coats.

This didn't last me long.

I went to uni and within a month, I had scoped out the charity shops and found two jackets that I liked. I told myself not to buy them, but when I googled the brand and found out they usually cost around £200 (which at the time I considered very expensive) I couldn't resist the temptation.

Very quickly I started to scope out the charity shops more regularly, and I looked at higher quality porn.

Finding Clips4Sale made it worse because here, I had a regular stream of clips, on tap.

I also started to buy off of eBay which I hadn't been able to do before whilst living at home, and finally was able to buy coats and jackets by brands I'd noticed throughout my life, or that I specifically wanted. I'd spent a good few years curating pictures on a PowerPoint of different coats and jackets I'd found on the website that I liked or liked the stye of, and I had some coats and jackets I'd seen at school on my fellow pupils that I liked the style of, that I'd always wanted to masturbate into.


I didn't have a large amount of money at uni, and I wasn't working, so I quickly ran out, and then entered and drained my overdraft.

This started a long cycle of debt.

Unable to tell my parents about my financial situation, because of the stigma behind debt, and fearing what they would say about my fetish (which they knew about, but in my opinion, largely left me alone to deal with it) I hid it from them, whilst my other personal issues such as depression (because of bullying at school, and then furthered by my fetish and financial woes) and learning difficulties, made it another struggle for me in education.

I came clean about being broke but not about being in debt, after my first year back and didn't do much to change the financial situation I was in, over summer, only getting work and essentially living paycheck to paycheck.

I went back to uni the second year, in new accommodation and on a new course (to try to remedy my struggles with the education and my social woes) but things only got worse.

I failed first year on my new course, and struggled with my fetish again, struggled with my finances again, and now, because I was given weekly money by my mother to try to give me money to buy food (I'd spent my first winter period living off of rice and beans because I had run out of money) I used that, and an extension to my overdraft, to buy more coats and more porn.

Within that, I started to spend more than I could afford, and then started to take out a loan. I started to gamble to try to win the lottery in my naive state. Going on a trip to L.A with university didn't help as I gambled to try to make the money to go there and failed. Finally, I had to come, half clean to my university who gave me a grant.

When I got back home, I again hid everything from my parents, until I finally came clean nearer my time of going back.

They were unhappy to say the least, especially that I had lied, and I went to uni again, in new accomodation and this time back in second year of my original course.

Things didn't improve very much, although my parents had access to my bank accounts and used that to keep an eye on my spending.

My buying of coats and whatnot sorted itself out, but my education woes didn't, and eventually I dropped out of uni.

I started working in Central London at a flagship clothing store, and I've been earning steady money for the past nearly 2 years.

Up until December 2017, since I left uni, my dad had been monitoring my accounts and my spending. Things were looking up and I was planning a holiday for myself, whilst using most of my pay to pay off my overdraft and debts (both being done successfully). However, due to a row with my parents and nearly getting kicked out, that stopped and I started again, spending money on pornography, something that had been a struggle as I had problems finding decent stimulation to release the urge to masturbate.

Coupled with a larger paycheck I'd ever had, and higher spending on general things like food and films, and occasional trips to charity shops to try to update my collection so I stopped getting bored with what I had, I ran out of money again.

Meanwhile I was also now paying my parents some (additional) money in rent and my phone bills.

I took out a loan when I spent my overdraft again, and then struggled ever since. Now, I amassed 5 loans, and again got into gambling (this time betting on football) to try to pay it off. As this was easier to do, I would win some and lose some, as opposed to lose all the time (different to the lottery).

When my money ran out, I stopped paying my rent and started to use the money to try to gamble higher amounts in the hope of getting a better return.

I was just about scraping by, paying my rent, but now had to compromise between that and paying back my loans which by now, had turned into repayments more than I could afford each month, without making it obvious I had no money.

I kept lying to my parents about my money woes, especially with the ultimatum after our Dec 2017 row that if they felt I'd screwed up again, they would kick me out.

In November last year, Sunny, using contact details on file, rang my house to try to get the money I owed them. My dad picked up whilst I was at work and they found out I was broke and in debt again.

Due to continuing issues the family has faced, they've not yet discussed my future at home with each other. I've been able to set up new payment plans for my debts, but haven't yet, for varying reasons, been able to pay my parents rent until this month. I still owe my mother two months worth of rent and my dad doesn't know I've not been paying it.

My mother has been stressed all year and is now dangerously low on energy to the point in which her body is having physical issues.

Today she had an outburst in which she said many things, one part of which, is why I'm explaining this, with people that understand.

I've been trying to point out, my view that my fetish is the biggest problem I face.

Because of it, I am restricted in what I can use that stimulates me. Because of that, I have to pay a premium for stimulation, by buying coats and jackets and more importantly, by having to subscribe to specific sites and use C4S to get porn because the basic stuff on Porn-Hub/X-Hamster/Xtube just doesn't really do it for me, and whilst I am able to access erotica, and forums like this, they're not updated regularly enough for me to not overuse the content and thus get bored.

Because of all of this, I end up paying a lot of money for stimulation, and get into debt, yet I masturbate at the same rate as everyone else, and a fetish is natural, whilst not exactly normal.

I have tried to explain this conundrum I face, constantly, to my parents, especially my mother, who don't seem to get it.

They criticise me for my lack of willpower and self-discipline but don't understand that if I didn't have my fetish, I wouldn't be faced with the problem of expensive stimulation.

Today in her outburst she kept saying she does understand, whilst simultaneously trying to say "how many other people live with fetishes".

She criticised me for at times, using "Excuses and statistics" to essentially try to make excuses as to why I can't just sort myself out.

She is unable to understand that my issues stem from the fetish and not from a lack of willpower, persay.

She also clearly thinks people with fetishes can just cope with it. That we don't lie about it. That the problem of finding suitable stimulation isn't a problem and often a financial one that causes financial hardship.

I've written this, because I want to hear your voices and your stories about how the fetish you have affects your lives.

Without showing people's usernames, I plan on, when this thread has amassed enough responses, hopefully, curating these and showing my mum. To point out, that actually, this is what it's like for most of us. So hopefully she and my father understand what it's like to live with the natural urges of everyone else, but not be able to stimulate like everyone else.

Apologies for the long read, but thanks for anyone that got this far.
SatinTom
Posts: 113
Joined: Tue Feb 22, 2011 6:03 am

Re: Living With Fetishes

Post by SatinTom »

This isn't what my fetish is like for me. I've never got into debt buying satin.

Below is my opinion from what you have posted. I understand not everyone is the same and I'm not pretending to be a psychologist.

TBH the subject of your fetish (coats)is kind of irrelevant. IMO this is more to do with self control - financially and sexual compulsively.

If a hundred people posted they had the same issue does it make it ok? Does it change how it's affected your life (and your parents)? Do you want to keep repeating this cycle or make a change? If you want to break the cycle then seeing a phycologist would be the best solution as you have already tried other ways and they have failed. You need to develop some other coping methods. I appreciate this did not work well before but try seeing a different person especially in the sexual field. There will always be new coats for sale and porn uploaded for the rest of your life, how do you plan to deal with it?

Think about what you want out of life long term? What are your dreams and asperations other than coats? Lots of people have fetish's/links etc but it's your choice to let it define you.

Apologies for poor grammar and spelling, I'm using my phone.
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AlanaRaso
Posts: 127
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2012 6:33 pm

Re: Living With Fetishes

Post by AlanaRaso »

You have an addiction - like gambling, alcohol or drugs. It needs to be addressed and you need to find peace. Money from your parents should be invested into professional help (in my opinion). From what I have learned about our fetishes (over four decades on this planet), they will never go away. You need to learn effective coping and channeling skills.

Like everyone else on this board, I am obsessed with satin. In general, I think it has been a motivator for me and has added to my life rather than taken away. My first job when in high school was working in a thrift (charity for my UK friends) shop. I was also into photography, so I used the excuse of needing satin blouses, dresses and nightwear for photography projects - which I did. That also helped explain why I had a trove of silky women's clothing.

One year at University, I worked part-time at a fabric store. I learned all about fabric and the ladies I worked with frequently commented how careful and observant I was. Little did they know that every roll of silk was my darling. Again, I took home scraps of cloth for my "photography projects."

In my marriage, my wife taught me to sew. Playing water polo didn't exactly create a feminine build for me to enjoy women's clothing off-the-rack. I needed an outlet for my dreams and desires. She understood that this was my kink and decided she would rather work with me on it than to have me hide. Fortunately, she is a former model and likes to dress up and has made satin a theme in her wardrobe. Our relationship is extremely close and honest as a result.

I don't golf, gamble, do drugs or cheat. I sew and spend 8-10 hours a week wearing my satins. Would I prefer that I not have this fetish? Sometimes that answer is yes. But for the most part, I am thankful that my outlet is satin clothing rather than more destructive avenues. Everyone has something, silks and satins are mine.

The message to share with your family – it will never go away. Sorry. It needs to be channeled.
Lovesatinblouses
Posts: 437
Joined: Sat Jul 13, 2013 10:30 am
Location: Fife, Scotland

Re: Living With Fetishes

Post by Lovesatinblouses »

As other people have said you have an addiction not a fetish. I have a satin fetish but prioritize food/bills/kids first. I think you need to try abstination for a while. Abstination is the best thing if you have an addiction to expensive stimulation
ilikeitshiny
Posts: 927
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2012 10:31 am
Location: UK, East Coast, (central)

Re: Living With Fetishes

Post by ilikeitshiny »

I'm sorry to hear about the issues you're having regarding your fetish. As you already know I share the same (very similar) fetish as you. The difference is, I don't purchase any garments whatsoever, however what I do is I look for opportunities to get my kicks from "using" coats and anything else I can lay my hands on from women and girls with whom I come into contact with. For me the thrill is using a females clothing to masturbate with and to receive sexual gratification in soiling it. Very naughty I know and I do know I really shouldn't be doing it but I just cannot help myself when the opportunity presents itself to me.
I also make the solemn vow NEVER to pay for pornography.

I really HTH.

Very best wishes, Ilikeitshiny .
Liking it shiny
Freddielinton
Posts: 1790
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2011 10:06 pm

Re: Living With Fetishes

Post by Freddielinton »

I’ve gotta agree with the rest of the responses here. I’ve never gone into debt over my fetishes. I’ve bought a shit ton over the years, but I’ve always had money left over, I guess. Luckily, I have more than one fetish, so it’s not a problem when viewing porn. I have many different fetish options to choose from, or I can just watch normal non-fetish porn and it does the trick just fine. Great Satin porn is hard enough to find; I couldn’t imagine searching even deeper for more specific stuff, and I certainly wouldn’t pay for it, no matter how good it was.

Hope things get better for you. I’ve been in some similar situations with my parents too.
blacksatn
Posts: 12
Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2014 2:52 am
Location: Australia

Living With Fetishes

Post by blacksatn »

SatinTom wrote: Mon Feb 04, 2019 2:42 pm This isn't what my fetish is like for me. I've never got into debt buying satin.

Below is my opinion from what you have posted. I understand not everyone is the same and I'm not pretending to be a psychologist.

TBH the subject of your fetish (coats)is kind of irrelevant. IMO this is more to do with self control - financially and sexual compulsively.

If a hundred people posted they had the same issue does it make it ok? Does it change how it's affected your life (and your parents)? Do you want to keep repeating this cycle or make a change? If you want to break the cycle then seeing a phycologist would be the best solution as you have already tried other ways and they have failed. You need to develop some other coping methods. I appreciate this did not work well before but try seeing a different person especially in the sexual field. There will always be new coats for sale and porn uploaded for the rest of your life, how do you plan to deal with it?

Think about what you want out of life long term? What are your dreams and asperations other than coats? Lots of people have fetish's/links etc but it's your choice to let it define you.

Apologies for poor grammar and spelling, I'm using my phone.
Agree, the crucial issue is: what is the most important thing you want out of your (one and only) life? Love from your parents or a partner? Inner peace & self belief?
Try spending the cost of a couple of coats on a recommended psychologist/councellor (nothing worse than a bad one!) who understands fetishes - I did this 2-3 years ago. Be honest & vulnerable in a safe environment. It will really help. Your masturbation is probably just a "soothing" mechanism for deeper underlying issues. The hiding, self loathing and lying to your parents is most likely far worse than the original harmless fetish.
Eliminate all the guilt, shame and embarrassment - none of these are useful emotions in your situation.
I love satin and leather. I love satin porn - video and stories. I stopped buying satin stuff after I ran out of storage for my capes, coats, gloves, lingerie and leathers. I'm still "addicted" but I can see the harm of it eating up the other parts of my life. But there's enough good stuff available to not have to go into debt and gamble. Think of the real cost in time, money & self esteem. Think about the time spent on this, when you could spend the time with the people who make you happy.
satinsmooth
Posts: 110
Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2010 9:50 am

Re: Living With Fetishes

Post by satinsmooth »

I didn't really have any issues with debt, as with satin it was only a small element that gave me the buzz growing up, it was robes mainly stemming from the judo advert with the woman dominating an intruder whilst in a black satin robe with her sensual judo skills. growing up I didn't see much in satin apart from catalogues when christmas came around when i would have a crafty look at the front whilst pretending to look at the toys and bikes etc. A new catalogue arriving in the post a couple of times a year was the big deal :)
But everything turned upside down when mum actually had a shortish black satin robe delivered and i walked out of my bedroom to find her coming out of hers in the robe with the sun shining on it, I actually felt light headed and aroused in what was a spilt second and with also wearing nothing but underpants which was becoming very bulgy at this site ! a couple of times I came close to getting caught wearing the robe when i thought she was out but came back earlier than expected and the second time although i escaped, i had to throw the robe back onto her bed and fly into the bathroom whilst she was coming up the stairs, I thought I had got away with it until i went to put the robe where i found it and found it laying neatly on the bottom of the bed, i waited for what seemed an eternity for the questioning, but it never came, I am sure mum knew everything, but never mentioned it.
But on reflection I was also seriously considered getting caught in the robe to see how she would react, pretending I hadn't heard her come up the stairs and be doing judo on a pillow standing over it with my foot on the pillow giving the impression of the advert, how she would talk to me, was it as bad as i feared being caught as a very young teenager wearing a stunning shiny black satin robe, would she understand it was the tv advert that was behind it ? she had seen the advert as she was in the room at least once when it was on that i knew about, perhaps mum was influenced by that woman in the black satin robe standing over the intruder with her foot on his chest smoothing down the robe and sliding her fingers onto her hips and she wanted one for her self seeing herself as the satin clad judo beauty ? who knows and I will never know unfortunately...
finance has never been a part, but growing up it was that fear of being caught and trying to answer questions i just couldn't explain the answers to.
SatinTom
Posts: 113
Joined: Tue Feb 22, 2011 6:03 am

Re: Living With Fetishes

Post by SatinTom »

Any update matty?
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