Reflections of an old timer Part 1
Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2017 5:33 pm
Reflections of An Old Timer
For over 7 decades I have had a satin fetish. What I thought for a long time was a curse; I now realize it may have been a blessing. In retrospect my fetish had some good points that made me a better person. First, I will reflect on my history, then on lessons learned, and regrets.
Like most of us, my fascination with satin started at a very young age. I remember my mother’s beautiful light blue satin wedding dress and her black satin slip. I remember my younger sister’s white satin dress that I tried to put on. Looking back I think I was jealous that she got to wear something that felt so good. I remember climbing part way up door jams and rubbing myself on them. As an innocent child I called it “silking my dick”. I would hump trees and even sign post. My mom would say “don’t do that, it does not look nice”. But I never knew why. To make matters worse every night I would wet the bed. As an adult I realize that a preschooler that has a satin fetish, who is cross dressing, masturbating, and wetting the bed is not normal. I would love to know the cause of my behavior but too many decades and people have passed.
The good news is that as I reached puberty the bed wetting stopped. The bad news is that my satin fetish came back even stronger. I had required satin gym shorts and knew how it felt on my dick. Seeing my class mates in their beautiful satin blouses draped over their developing breast and touching there nipples was so exciting. I knew how wonderful it felt on my chest and nipples so I could only imagine how it felt to them. It had to be so exciting! It had to be a turn on for them like it was for me. Seeing the shine as they walked down the halls, giggling with friends, or crossing their arms with the satin sleeves under their breast was cause for an instant hard on. Even more exciting was the cheer leaders with their skirts lined in satin as they dance in front of the student body. The most exciting was the majorettes in their all satin uniforms with a satin lining and panties. How I dreamed of running my cock up under their skirt and rubbing it on their panties. I imagined how they felt marching or leading a cheer or just sitting on the bench or a bouncing school bus with the satin against their legs. As an adult I realize they did not feel the same way I did. It was just another piece of clothing. In my young mind I projected my fetish to them. While I dreamed of touching and feeling them I never did. I am proud to say I have never inappropriately touched anyone in my life.
The dilemma male’s face is how to safely dissipate the sexual energy building up in them. As the energy builds we begin to think with our cock and not our brain. Because of that we can do some very dumb things that are not logical. Typically the energy is dissipated with an explosion at the end of our cock. After that we can think rationally again. While we may have had similar starts, this is where we diverge in widely different directions. My dilemma was made worse with my relatively conservative religious upbringing.
The solution for me was cross dressing. I believe during masturbation I create an imaginary female playmate. I can make her into anything I want from an innocent woman that did not know how sexy she was, to a big tilted prostitute that wanted to fuck my brains out. I could feel all the thrills that she would experience in her satin and at the same time, what I would feel if she was real. Remember the old tag line for double mint gum, “Double your pleasure, double your fun”. I added the tag line “the two are really one!” I have zero desire to be a female; it is not the way I was programed from birth. I do want to experience what they feel. Maybe it goes back to being jealous of my sister and mother in my preschool days. Soon as I cum the energy is dissipated, and I become me again. As one person I cannot wait to get the female clothes off. After ejaculation I would think “why did I do it?”. “Why didn’t I have a little more self-control?” For a large part of my life I was not the person I wanted to be. More of that in the lessons learned section.
When I met my wife of 50+ years I was still a virgin. With real sex my satin fetish would surely go away. It was just the opposite, it intensified one more step. I did a poor job of expressing myself and my wife had a real hard time accepting my fetish. It was a source of a lot of friction between us. Even though she did not understand it, she eventually knew how happy it made me and put up with it. I have had many years of wonderful satiny snuggles and sex with her of which I am very grateful. In her 60s sex became painful for her both physically and emotionally. I watched as we were cleaning out a closet and she picked up a satin blouse as if it was a dirty diaper. At that moment I knew it was over. Out of love I was not going to subject her to my fetish any more. I packed up her satin clothes which should have thrown the out, but there were too many good memories in there to be trashed. Even in my 70s the equipment still works quite well and I get her satin clothes out and remember the good times. We are blessed with reasonably good health so I am looking forward to many more years together.
Now that you know my history and struggles, what are the lessons I learned over the last 7 decades? That is in part 2.
For over 7 decades I have had a satin fetish. What I thought for a long time was a curse; I now realize it may have been a blessing. In retrospect my fetish had some good points that made me a better person. First, I will reflect on my history, then on lessons learned, and regrets.
Like most of us, my fascination with satin started at a very young age. I remember my mother’s beautiful light blue satin wedding dress and her black satin slip. I remember my younger sister’s white satin dress that I tried to put on. Looking back I think I was jealous that she got to wear something that felt so good. I remember climbing part way up door jams and rubbing myself on them. As an innocent child I called it “silking my dick”. I would hump trees and even sign post. My mom would say “don’t do that, it does not look nice”. But I never knew why. To make matters worse every night I would wet the bed. As an adult I realize that a preschooler that has a satin fetish, who is cross dressing, masturbating, and wetting the bed is not normal. I would love to know the cause of my behavior but too many decades and people have passed.
The good news is that as I reached puberty the bed wetting stopped. The bad news is that my satin fetish came back even stronger. I had required satin gym shorts and knew how it felt on my dick. Seeing my class mates in their beautiful satin blouses draped over their developing breast and touching there nipples was so exciting. I knew how wonderful it felt on my chest and nipples so I could only imagine how it felt to them. It had to be so exciting! It had to be a turn on for them like it was for me. Seeing the shine as they walked down the halls, giggling with friends, or crossing their arms with the satin sleeves under their breast was cause for an instant hard on. Even more exciting was the cheer leaders with their skirts lined in satin as they dance in front of the student body. The most exciting was the majorettes in their all satin uniforms with a satin lining and panties. How I dreamed of running my cock up under their skirt and rubbing it on their panties. I imagined how they felt marching or leading a cheer or just sitting on the bench or a bouncing school bus with the satin against their legs. As an adult I realize they did not feel the same way I did. It was just another piece of clothing. In my young mind I projected my fetish to them. While I dreamed of touching and feeling them I never did. I am proud to say I have never inappropriately touched anyone in my life.
The dilemma male’s face is how to safely dissipate the sexual energy building up in them. As the energy builds we begin to think with our cock and not our brain. Because of that we can do some very dumb things that are not logical. Typically the energy is dissipated with an explosion at the end of our cock. After that we can think rationally again. While we may have had similar starts, this is where we diverge in widely different directions. My dilemma was made worse with my relatively conservative religious upbringing.
The solution for me was cross dressing. I believe during masturbation I create an imaginary female playmate. I can make her into anything I want from an innocent woman that did not know how sexy she was, to a big tilted prostitute that wanted to fuck my brains out. I could feel all the thrills that she would experience in her satin and at the same time, what I would feel if she was real. Remember the old tag line for double mint gum, “Double your pleasure, double your fun”. I added the tag line “the two are really one!” I have zero desire to be a female; it is not the way I was programed from birth. I do want to experience what they feel. Maybe it goes back to being jealous of my sister and mother in my preschool days. Soon as I cum the energy is dissipated, and I become me again. As one person I cannot wait to get the female clothes off. After ejaculation I would think “why did I do it?”. “Why didn’t I have a little more self-control?” For a large part of my life I was not the person I wanted to be. More of that in the lessons learned section.
When I met my wife of 50+ years I was still a virgin. With real sex my satin fetish would surely go away. It was just the opposite, it intensified one more step. I did a poor job of expressing myself and my wife had a real hard time accepting my fetish. It was a source of a lot of friction between us. Even though she did not understand it, she eventually knew how happy it made me and put up with it. I have had many years of wonderful satiny snuggles and sex with her of which I am very grateful. In her 60s sex became painful for her both physically and emotionally. I watched as we were cleaning out a closet and she picked up a satin blouse as if it was a dirty diaper. At that moment I knew it was over. Out of love I was not going to subject her to my fetish any more. I packed up her satin clothes which should have thrown the out, but there were too many good memories in there to be trashed. Even in my 70s the equipment still works quite well and I get her satin clothes out and remember the good times. We are blessed with reasonably good health so I am looking forward to many more years together.
Now that you know my history and struggles, what are the lessons I learned over the last 7 decades? That is in part 2.