Reflections of an old timer Part 1

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anoldtimer
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:08 pm

Reflections of an old timer Part 1

Post by anoldtimer »

Reflections of An Old Timer
For over 7 decades I have had a satin fetish. What I thought for a long time was a curse; I now realize it may have been a blessing. In retrospect my fetish had some good points that made me a better person. First, I will reflect on my history, then on lessons learned, and regrets.
Like most of us, my fascination with satin started at a very young age. I remember my mother’s beautiful light blue satin wedding dress and her black satin slip. I remember my younger sister’s white satin dress that I tried to put on. Looking back I think I was jealous that she got to wear something that felt so good. I remember climbing part way up door jams and rubbing myself on them. As an innocent child I called it “silking my dick”. I would hump trees and even sign post. My mom would say “don’t do that, it does not look nice”. But I never knew why. To make matters worse every night I would wet the bed. As an adult I realize that a preschooler that has a satin fetish, who is cross dressing, masturbating, and wetting the bed is not normal. I would love to know the cause of my behavior but too many decades and people have passed.
The good news is that as I reached puberty the bed wetting stopped. The bad news is that my satin fetish came back even stronger. I had required satin gym shorts and knew how it felt on my dick. Seeing my class mates in their beautiful satin blouses draped over their developing breast and touching there nipples was so exciting. I knew how wonderful it felt on my chest and nipples so I could only imagine how it felt to them. It had to be so exciting! It had to be a turn on for them like it was for me. Seeing the shine as they walked down the halls, giggling with friends, or crossing their arms with the satin sleeves under their breast was cause for an instant hard on. Even more exciting was the cheer leaders with their skirts lined in satin as they dance in front of the student body. The most exciting was the majorettes in their all satin uniforms with a satin lining and panties. How I dreamed of running my cock up under their skirt and rubbing it on their panties. I imagined how they felt marching or leading a cheer or just sitting on the bench or a bouncing school bus with the satin against their legs. As an adult I realize they did not feel the same way I did. It was just another piece of clothing. In my young mind I projected my fetish to them. While I dreamed of touching and feeling them I never did. I am proud to say I have never inappropriately touched anyone in my life.
The dilemma male’s face is how to safely dissipate the sexual energy building up in them. As the energy builds we begin to think with our cock and not our brain. Because of that we can do some very dumb things that are not logical. Typically the energy is dissipated with an explosion at the end of our cock. After that we can think rationally again. While we may have had similar starts, this is where we diverge in widely different directions. My dilemma was made worse with my relatively conservative religious upbringing.
The solution for me was cross dressing. I believe during masturbation I create an imaginary female playmate. I can make her into anything I want from an innocent woman that did not know how sexy she was, to a big tilted prostitute that wanted to fuck my brains out. I could feel all the thrills that she would experience in her satin and at the same time, what I would feel if she was real. Remember the old tag line for double mint gum, “Double your pleasure, double your fun”. I added the tag line “the two are really one!” I have zero desire to be a female; it is not the way I was programed from birth. I do want to experience what they feel. Maybe it goes back to being jealous of my sister and mother in my preschool days. Soon as I cum the energy is dissipated, and I become me again. As one person I cannot wait to get the female clothes off. After ejaculation I would think “why did I do it?”. “Why didn’t I have a little more self-control?” For a large part of my life I was not the person I wanted to be. More of that in the lessons learned section.
When I met my wife of 50+ years I was still a virgin. With real sex my satin fetish would surely go away. It was just the opposite, it intensified one more step. I did a poor job of expressing myself and my wife had a real hard time accepting my fetish. It was a source of a lot of friction between us. Even though she did not understand it, she eventually knew how happy it made me and put up with it. I have had many years of wonderful satiny snuggles and sex with her of which I am very grateful. In her 60s sex became painful for her both physically and emotionally. I watched as we were cleaning out a closet and she picked up a satin blouse as if it was a dirty diaper. At that moment I knew it was over. Out of love I was not going to subject her to my fetish any more. I packed up her satin clothes which should have thrown the out, but there were too many good memories in there to be trashed. Even in my 70s the equipment still works quite well and I get her satin clothes out and remember the good times. We are blessed with reasonably good health so I am looking forward to many more years together.
Now that you know my history and struggles, what are the lessons I learned over the last 7 decades? That is in part 2.
anoldtimer
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:08 pm

Re: Reflections of an old timer Part 2

Post by anoldtimer »

Reflections of an An Old Timer, Part 2
As I entered into the phase of a sexless marriage it did not take long to realize I was still a sexual animal. If I was “normal “, I could get a divorce like my son. A significant reason for his divorce was lack of sex. To scrap out 50 years of marriage was not an option! If I was “normal”, I could have an affair, but I had a female friendship that went too far (no satin) and swore never again. My fetish did help keep me faithful in that without it women were not very sexy to me. If I was “normal”, I could hire a prostitute. For what it would cost to hire a bottom end, drug addicted prostitute with sores all over her face, I could buy a lot of satiny rags to enjoy time after time. It would be a whole lot safer too. Suddenly my fetish did not seem so bad! Could what was considered a curse be a blessing instead?
Struggling with my fetish and observing others made me very aware of the complexities of being a human. Realizing that made me a more tolerant person accepting our differences. Even though it makes no sense to me I have to accept whatever happens between consenting adults. On the other hand I have no tolerance between non consenting people. I do have compassion for them and acknowledge their struggles. There are times I am surprised at what I find disgusting. It forces me to take a step back and reevaluate my reactions. It also makes one wonder how normal people would react to me if I was open about my fetish.
I struggled to resolve the issues between my faith and my short comings. It did not take long to realize the worse thing I could do is lose my faith due to my imperfections. We are all flawed in some way. We all have demons to fight. As my faith moved from legalism to love and acceptance it became meaning full and beautiful.
As an old timer in his 70s reflecting on his past, my fetish has helped shape me into a kinder, gentler person that treats people with dignity even if I don’t understand them. Going back to my preschool days as a masturbating, cross dressing, bed wetting child with a satin fetish there were a lot of very destructive ways I could have gone. Somehow I manage to come out of it as a better person. Could I have done better? Absolutely. Do I have regrets? Yes. I regret I was so hard on myself. I regret I could not be the man my wife would have liked but, it is not the way I am wired. The list could go on forever. On the other hand I have far exceeded my dreams except for kicking my fetish. Is it a curse, is it a blessing, or just another challenge in being a human?
As I go back to a stealth mode on the net I hope everyone on the forum will take a little time to reflect. In the process of reflecting be a little more tolerant, and kinder to everyone, especially to themselves.
satinedge
Posts: 177
Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2011 7:12 pm
Location: United States, Missouri

Re: Reflections of an old timer Part 1

Post by satinedge »

Thank you for sharing. It's late now but will post my ideas soon. I couldn't fathom the gut wrenching feeling of a sexless marriage. And to to see satin as a wedge in your relationship. Wow... I'm blessed to say that my wife sees satin as a part of me. She knew what she was getting into and likes to participate in dressing up or wrapping up in the sheets.
I often think that a slightly exposed shoulder emerging from a long satin nightgown packed more sex than two naked bodies in bed. - Bette Davis
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